According to the all-knowing Urban Dictionary (which I never in a million years thought I would be citing), a “Jackwad” is defined as follows:

” A person containing the attributes of both a “Jack ass” and a “Dick wad”. Having a inept attitude or ignorance.”

” The term Jack Wad is used to describe an uneducated, moronic, ******, with absolutely no regard for any other person. This term is mostly used to describe a law breaker or other low life drain on society.”

Urban Dictionary. http://jack-wad.urbanup.com/3405107. Bubbacop and Scuba Steve. 6/23/15

Hiking this weekend, I encountered multiple Jackwads along the trail. We’ve all run into those people! I have dubbed them Wilderness Jackwads. They are someone who has no regard for the wilderness or the wilderness experience of his/her fellow human beings and, they generally have bad manners in the woods.

Here’s a few examples:

– The Jackwad who carves their initials into a tree. Yeah… That romance is gonna last, just because it’s now memorialized in bark. Nice. Go get a tattoo.

– The guy who brings a hatchet camping and chops down trees for firewood and to build survival shelters. This includes many over-zealous Boy Scouts. First off, green wood doesn’t burn very well. So go pick up some dead stuff on the ground and save a tree. Secondly, a shelter? Seriously? Pack a tent dude, and save the survival skills for an actual emergency.

– People who feed wildlife, including birds and squirrels. Yeah, that cute chipmunk isn’t scared of you one bit is it? That’s because of the 80 other people who came rolling around with food handouts this week. Animals lose the ability to fend for themselves if they learn to beg for handouts. And worse, feeding birds like grey jays (also called “camp robbers”) and mockingbirds is terrible for the rest of the birds in the area. These species also prey on the eggs of songbirds. Give these predatory birds an advantage and it’s bye-bye to all the other birdies in the area!

– The lady who bring speakers and play music in the backcountry. Same with people yaking on their cell phones really loudly. Seriously? Most of us go to the wilderness to get AWAY from the noise, pollution and general insanity of our daily lives. This means unplugging from technology. If you really can’t enjoy the sounds that nature is giving you, maybe you should just go hang out in Central Park for your next vacation. At least have the decency to use headphones if you really can’t go without.

– That couple who, despite having 20 square miles of wilderness, has to pitch his tent right next to yours. With all this space, do you just need to snuggle to make yourself feel less scared of the dark? Let me enjoy some solitude and respect my hard work to find it and go pitch your camp out of sight.

– People who don’t bury their poop (or follow local LNT guidelines). This is just gross. Dig a hole, dude.

– People who try to take selfies with dangerous wildlife. I can’t believe this is even an issue, but I’ve read of two separate Bison attacks in Yellowstone just in the first two months of the summer. Both occasions were from people getting too close to take stupid pictures. Wildlife is Wild!! Bison are not docile cows. Moose aren’t slow or stupid. Bears are not fuzzy and cuddly. The National Park Service actually had to issue a statement this year, asking visitors to not snap selfies with wildlife, because this has become so prevalent. Ugh.

– People who cut switchbacks on trails. Yes, I know you are so exhausted that you couldn’t take those extra 5 steps to go around, or you didn’t have time to take the extra two seconds to follow the trail because someone is meeting you at the trailhead. Cutting switchbacks causes enormous amounts of trail erosion, especially when it rains in the spring or the snow is running off. Eventually the trail develops huge ruts or washes out entirely. Switchbacks are designed to channel water away from the surface of the trail. So way to go – you saved 20 whole seconds of hiking time and caused 20 whole years of damage to the trail. Yay.

Don’t be that guy (or gal). Be considerate of  others’ wilderness experience and keep wild places wild!

If you need some rules of the road, check out Leave No Trace.  They are the gold standard of good wilderness manners.  I’m convinced that most Wilderness Jackwads are that way, simply because they don’t know any better. After all, no one WANTS to be a Jackwad! If you don’t know, just ask. And if you see something, put on your superhero cape and politely educate. We’ll take back the wilderness, one Jackwad at a time!